the work week begins

these days i'm actually anxious to get to work. just wanna see these paychecks stack. gonna be hard covincing mnyself to *not* spend money tho.

i talked to r yesterday. she saw my blog and started running off at the mouth about how i wasn't proactive, so to speak. like, yo. don't give me a pep talk when i've already done the self help thing. she has no right to any of me, any more.

i can't stand her, honestly. the way she talks, what she talks about, she's just a ridiculous character that i can do with out. she thinks she can lay some sort of a claim now that she lives in the same city as me. think again. you have fun with your possessive boyfriend... i'm good over here.

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...so i havent been praying like ive wanted to. i left my bible at home. it's gonna be hard getting that part of my life straightened out... but i'ma work at it.

i met this girl online, through okayplayer, and she's interested in some of my music for a mix tape she's putting together. it's a project, i'll take it. as many projects as i can get my sounds involved with, i'll take them and run. i have to knock out these two tracks for purnell, the 3 pc. for Cdyce, and then *maybe* something for The Mic Sounds Nice.

it doesnt matter who the takers are at this point, or whether i get paid. i've got something to prove to everybody and i'm not fronting like i dont care. because i do. the fact that EVERYbody had/has the same opinion of me is hurtful. but it's not their fault, even though i'm shoving their opinons right in my gas tank.

it's my fault.

almost 25, and largely a waste of a man.

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denise called me yesterday... as mean as she tries to be, she really does look out for me. i appreciate that so much. i have to let her know i got her message and that i'm thankful for her help. she might could get it too.

nah but really. she's looking out. on her weekend. that's checking for a broham.

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i still havent received a response from IAR. i guess i'm going to have to call them. i'm trying to get this school visit somewheres in the vicinity of last week of october.

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i dont even want friends anymore man. i'm just hellbent on proving something to everyone. kinda scared of that.

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t mentioned something in her blog that had me thinking. let me quote exactly.

"i dont know what to do. i halfway dont know what i want anymore.
well that's a lie--i know who i want. i just dont know that the immediate future is going to (or should) allow it anymore."

wha?

i so have a feeling that she isn't leaving that state.

i guess i should start bracing for impact, eh?